I miss writing.

I used to write all the damn time.  I would write about my day, weave random short stories about fantasy worlds or people living in today's day and age, poetry that was just god awful, and fandom-specific stuff (aka fanfiction, aw yeah).  My computer was filled with different Notepad files, because for some reason that has always been my preferred place to write in; even now, I am writing this in Notepad.

Exhibit A of said claim.

At some point, though, I stopped writing as frequently as I used to.  I try to do things like NaNoWriMo and I wouldn't make it past the first week or two before I lost my footing and gave up.  Giving up is difficult for me; I want to succeed, I want something to brag about (c'mon, I'm only human), and I enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done.  I will sit down in front of my computer with all of my distractions turned off and nothing but a blank canvas for me to paint my story onto, but I don't know where to start.

It isn't for a lack of ideas, because those I have plenty of.  There's the fantasy story about a female heroine named Ithaca (the name that my dad's best friend suggested because it was the name of his band and I always felt if my parents had done that, I'd have no choice but to be a fantasy heroine) or the dystopian novel about two sisters that get wrapped up in a bunch of crazy or the supernatural book where people having abilities is a societal norm that not everyone is happy with or the idea rooted in reborn Greek mythology or the one that was born of a weird dream I had about mind control or or or.  They're all ideas, but none of them have ever blossomed into something real or tangible, due to a mixture of my not knowing where to start and a heavy dose of self-doubt wherein I assumed that it's probably something that's already been done anyway... so why bother?

I know that's silly, though.  Writing has always been an outlet of mine and it's not been because I want to get published, make millions, and then have a series of movies that will butcher all of the original work.  While that might be amazing (sans the third, because that would just be annoying), it's not my end goal.  My end goal is much more immediate: finishing a full chapter.  Finishing a second chapter.  Finishing a third chapter.  And so on and so forth.

I don't know if I'll ever finish a book.  While that's one of those things that I would love to do and I have since I was about fourteen and first started writing silly (and downright cringe-worthy) stories about Harry Potter characters, I know that it means I need to actually sit down and start writing again.  So, that is my St. Paddy's Day Resolution, given we're three months late for New Years.  I'm going to write more, darnit.

I honestly don't know.

Drumroll, please.

As I said in my previous blog post, I didn't do the Whole30 so I would lose weight.  While that was an added perk, it wasn't my main intention.  I loved all of the very real health benefits that it boasted and the intent behind it all.

That being said!  I did go ahead and weigh myself today on the scale at work.  The last time I had weighed myself was when I went to the doctor in January for bronchitis, so I figured that was a decent enough weight to go by.  And so, the grand total that I lost was 16 pounds.  (I thought it was 15 at work, but I checked the paper that I'd gotten from the doctor when I got home and was pleasantly surprised.)

So yeah!  That was very exciting to me and really gives me a good push to continue much of what I was doing in Whole30, since it was clearly helping.  I lost that weight without very much exercise outside of occasional pilates when I managed to guilt myself into doing them.  ;)  When it finally warms up, I'm looking forward to going for walks and to get my exercise that way, so I'm hoping that the two combined will yield further results.

Also, I will be continuing this blog, even though I'm no longer technically on Whole30.  Although I didn't blog every single day as I had intended, I did enjoy writing in here and the connections and support it's given me through my friends via Facebook.  You haven't seen the last of me and my cute corgi/other animal gifs yet.

And now... I'm going to go put some cheese on my soup.   Mmm, cheese.

Day Thirty (!!!!!)

DAY THIRTY
BRUNCH:  Eggs with spinach and mushrooms
DINNER:  Leftover pork roast and green beans

I wasn't very hungry today, so I didn't eat very much.  (I also let myself sleep in after another late night of binge-watching Haven)  I have a bad feeling that I'm coming down with a cold, which I am blaming on the change in seasons that seems to be happening right now (hopefully that isn't jinxing myself), and that usually zaps my appetite pretty quick.

But, more exciting:  DAY THIRTY!

When I started this, I was pretty confident that I would make it through the thirty days, but at the same time I wasn't sure what to think.  The confidence is good and grand, but actually seeing it through?  I wasn't sure what would happen.  But now I'm here on day thirty and... yeah.  That's pretty crazy.

I don't have a scale in my apartment, so I haven't been able to weigh myself.  My mom is going to bring me my scale to work tomorrow, though, as I had left it at their house when I moved out, and I'll see for sure what's going on.  I feel like I might have lost weight, but I'm trying not to be but so hopeful.  I've had people mention it to me and my clothes feel a bit more loose, but again -- trying not to get my hopes up too much.

I've felt a very real change in my health, though, which is the primary reason that I set forth in doing this.  Losing weight would have been awesome, but it was my health that I was worried about.  I no longer have frequent stomach aches whenever I eat and I've found that going to bed and sleeping through the night has been much easier.  I don't spring out of bed easily every morning, but my energy has been better as well.  I used to take melatonin every night, but I haven't taken it once in the past month and I've been fine.  I think that was one of the best things that I learned from this, to be honest.  I didn't like how reliant I had become on those pills, natural or not.

I have to say, though, that this was an amazing experience and one that I might repeat sometime in the future.  I'm taking a lot of what I learned from the thirty days and will be implementing it afterward; I'm going to stick to basically everything, but I will be reintroducing dairy in small doses.  I'm looking forward to being able to stick to the rules that I've had during the Whole30, but be able to bend them a bit here and there to suit my needs.

Day Twenty-Nine

DAY TWENTY-NINE
BRUNCH:  Eggs, Polish sausage, and bacon
DINNER:  Pork roast and strawberries

It looks like I didn't eat a lot today, but I did.  I kind of nommed on the pork roast a bit more than I probably should have.  I made this version and it tastes so yummy that it gets a little bit addicting.  OH WELL.  No regrets.  At least it wasn't Girl Scout Cookies?

I'm kind of baffled by the fact that tomorrow is day thirty.  I honestly don't know where the last month went.  But, we'll leave that long, rambling blog post for tomorrow.

Tonight... tonight I'll just listen to the alarm go off at my neighbor's apartment, because apparently they have it set for midnight and are never around to turn it off.

Days Twenty-Seven - Twenty-Eight

DAY TWENTY-SEVEN
BREAKFAST:  Boiled eggs
LUNCH:  Leftover crockpot carnitas / paleo nachos
DINNER:  Flounder in tomato sauce with spinach
SNACK:  Carrots

DAY TWENTY-EIGHT
BREAKFAST:  Boiled eggs
LUNCH:  Leftover flounder and tomato sauce with spinach
DINNER:  Italian turkey sausages with bell peppers, onions, and tomato sauce
SNACK:  Strawberries

I almost had a problem today that would have more or less torn me up inside.  One of my coworkers had dark chocolate covered raspberries at work; they were like chocolate covered raisins, but basically more heavenly.  She offered me some and as chocolate and raspberries is more or less the best thing ever, I took one without thinking.  I was literally inches from putting it in my mouth when I stopped and realized what I was doing.

I know that it would have only been one tiny little raspberry, but maaan.  That would have made me so mad at myself!  Doing so well for twenty-eight days and then messing up on accident?  Oof.  Luckily, though, I caught it and all is well!  Phew.

Thank you, Whit.